Many people will be hanging twinkling lights, baking cookies, and checking off gift lists in the coming weeks as we usher in the holiday season. However, for those grappling with grief and loss, this time of year can be a poignant reminder of the void left by someone who has passed away. We spoke with Jennifer Ward, a Bereavement Counselor and Licensed Master Social Worker with Chesapeake Life Center, a program service of Hospice of the Chesapeake about some ways to navigate these complex emotions in the midst of this holiday season:
- Accept the loss and honor the memory. Ward says, “People have to accept the loss, accept that the person is not physically present, but their memory lives on, so how do we incorporate some of their traditions into the new ritual of Thanksgiving or Christmas?” Maybe someone new makes a special recipe or grandma’s holiday napkins grace the table, but the important thing is not to avoid the person’s name or memory with the intention of keeping things light and “happy.”
- Acknowledge this holiday will be tough. Ward, who leads partner-spouse bereavement groups, says, “For families, a part of the awareness is recognizing it’s going to be a tough holiday.” Acknowledging this fact may help families avoid the pressure of trying to maintain the holiday status quo. In time, holidays may feel joyful and carefree again, but especially the first few years after a loss may feel more muted.
- Set up your support system in advance. Acknowledging the difficult moments the holidays might bring allows for grieving family members to plan in advance for how they will handle those moments. Ward says people should think about, “What am I going to need? Do I need my sibling with me? Do I need to check in with my support group? I might need to see my counselor that day.”
- Try something totally new. Have you ever wanted to spend Christmas in the Caribbean? Maybe this is the year. Ward explains, “Society tells you you have to have family over and open gifts, but that might not be where people are. People might reject that, take a trip to the Caribbean, go to a Chinese restaurant, do something different, and be Ok with not doing the normal ritual.” There may be a certain freedom in rejecting what you’ve done before.
- Practice self-care. Ward says, “Self-care is especially important around the holidays; as it gets colder and darker, people are more likely to withdraw.” However, a key part in the grieving process is connecting with others. It is important for people experiencing loss to avoid the temptation to hunker down alone.
- Get moving. Research shows that physical activity, such as going to the gym, trying out a fitness class, a turkey trot, or even dancing, can be helpful for feelings of stress and sadness.
- Take part in a bigger mission. Volunteering or working with a charitable cause is also a great way to honor a loved one who has passed. For example, if someone passed away from cancer, families may want to do a fundraiser or walk for a cancer charity.
What if you have kids in your life who are also experiencing grief and loss?
Ward says, “Children teach us how to grieve. They’re the only ones who can go from crying one minute to playing outside the next.”
Kids aren’t typically big talkers, so it takes some creativity to help them express these complex feelings. Ward uses methods like sand tray therapy, using the backdrop of games or dolls to discuss the loss, and getting them connected with other kids who are experiencing a loss or grief. The bottom line is to be having fun, but also talking about the grief or the loss.
If you are experiencing grief this holiday season, know you are not alone. Reach out to your support system and consider attending a support group near you. Here are several offerings from the Chesapeake Life Center, a program of Hospice of the Chesapeake:
Living with Loss through the Holidays*
Thursday, December 7, 2023
5:30 to 7:30 PM
John & Cathy Belcher Campus
90 Ritchie Highway, Pasadena, Maryland
The cost is $10 per person.
Kids ages 6-18 may also attend for a specialized kids’ workshop with holiday activities.
Loss of Partner Support Group (monthly)
Tuesday December 12, 2023 (Morning Session)*
10:30 AM-12:00 PM
Via Zoom
Wednesday, December 13, 2023 (Evening Session)*
6:30-8:00 PM
John & Cathy Belcher Campus
90 Ritchie Highway, Pasadena, Maryland
The cost is $10 per person.
*Registration is required for all groups and can be completed by calling 1-888-501-7077 or emailing griefinfo@chesapeakelifecenter.org
Wednesday, December 13, 2023
1:00-2:00 PM
John & Cathy Belcher Campus
90 Ritchie Highway, Pasadena, Maryland
There is no fee and no registration is required.
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