Supporting A Partner Through Grief And Loss

Grief, like love, is a universal experience. We can’t have one without the other. While grief and loss are natural parts of human existence, navigating grief can feel overwhelming.

Hospice of the Chesapeake is a valuable local resource in helping families navigate the complexities of grief and loss. I had the pleasure of speaking with Hospice representatives Faith Fitzgerald, Director of Community Health Programs, and Justin Yampolsky and John-Henry Strong, who will both be facilitating an upcoming Men’s Grief Workshop on March 9, 2024. 

The word hospice often invokes strong emotions. Faith wants the community to know that Hospice of the Chesapeake is about more than offering end-of-life comfort care. “A lot of what we do,” she says, “is providing grief support to anyone who has lost a loved one.” This includes bereavement support groups, grief counseling, special events, and workshops.

When it comes to grief, men’s grief specifically, it can be challenging for partners and loved ones to know how to help. John-Henry says “There’s an expectation of how men should react to something in an emotional manner. Often when men experience grief, they are told to be strong and to suck it up…but everybody grieves in their own way. And it’s truly an unhealthy way to view grief with an expectation of repressing your emotions, and trying to stay strong.” For many men, expressing emotions and showing vulnerability is a foreign concept. If they haven’t been taught to do this, or worse yet, have been taught NOT to do this, it is hard to know where to begin. 

The upcoming Men’s Grief Workshop is designed to cater to the male experience. Both John-Henry and Justin say that men tend to process grief differently. For that reason, in leading this workshop, they will incorporate physical activities, engaging exercises, and hands-on experiences designed to help men process grief and loss, and the range of emotions that come with it. “We know that social support is so important for grievers. We’re really trying to offer that space to bring men together and say it’s okay, it’s necessary, and it’s important to express and experience what you’re feeling,” says Justin.

In addition to this upcoming workshop, Justin, John-Henry, and Faith want to offer readers tangible tips for anyone to support their partner or loved one who is grieving. 

• Listen: Allow them to express how they are feeling and what the are thinking without judgment
• Let go of expectations: The grieving process is unique to everyone. There is no timeline and no one way to grieve. Be patient and be present. 
• Offer practical help: What are things your partner or loved one is responsible for around the home? Are there tasks that you can take on to offer them reprieve?
• Continue to honor their loved one: Grief has no expiration date. Continue to be present and show up, especially on specific dates like anniversaries, birthdays, or major milestones where the loved one may be even more missed. 
• Soft touches and small comforts: Make them their favorite meal. Buy them their favorite candy. Offer a gentle touch on the shoulder, a squeeze of the hand, or a comforting hug.

Grieving often happens in stages and varying degrees of intensity. It can be normal to isolate, take a break from doing things that they once enjoyed, experience a decrease in productivity, and express a range of emotions from sadness and numbness to irritability and anger. If these issues continue for a prolonged period, if someone is unable to care for themselves or tend to their responsibilities after an extended period, if they show signs of deepening or worsening depression, or express or engage in self-harm talk or tendencies, it is important to reach out for professional help. 

For more assistance with grief support, or to register for the March 9th Men’s Grief Workshop, call 888-501-7077, email griefinfo@chesapeakelifecenter.org, or visit www.hospicechesapeake.org/events. 

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