There have been many blog posts about why some people hate The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with this classic children’s book, it’s a tale of a boy who grows up with a tree, then uses the tree for everything it has, hacks the tree to death but the tree isn’t too sad because it made the boy happy. It’s a HORRIBLE STORY but one that most of us have read to our kids over the years.
The not-so-subtle message of this book, among many other factors, is there are people in our lives who give and give of themselves to the point of sickness and despair. We have become a society that uses up “givers” and pounces on them when they show weakness. We scold them and say they are greedy when they want to be appropriately compensated or when they set boundaries. A society that uses up givers seems to be shocked and angry when they finally leave or speak up.
Why am I writing about this today? We have worn out the givers and it is a huge loss to our community and families. Many moms are the givers and feel that they just simply can’t anymore. They can’t always be the ones to raise their hands, go the extra mile, and magically make it all happen anymore. The givers are burned out and are just tree trunks, a shadow of themselves.
I don’t know exactly how society can change this, but I know how I am personally addressing this. Many givers just require appreciation and kindness. We need to fill their cup that is depleted daily. Other thoughts I’ve had are that we need to share profits with those we rely on, create work environments that show appreciation for boundaries, stop allowing or creating hostility in the workplace, and a good old “please” and “thank you” doesn’t hurt either.
If The Giving Tree was written by a mom, it would have had a completely different ending. The boy would have realized halfway through his life that he needed the Giving Tree to be okay so that he could continue to enjoy the Tree. I like that ending better. So now it’s your turn! How will you tend to the givers in our community?
By Lisa Peri, MSW, Publisher
Jamming Out on the Bay—With the Family