Last week I passed a kidney stone. Well, that’s not exactly true. Last week, on Mother’s Day, I STARTED to pass a kidney stone, AND I’m still passing it. As I am writing this, I have taken a pain killer with my cup of tea and a heating pad while I am lying in bed. The newsletter goes out tomorrow, dinner needs to be made, kids need to be cared for and so do the animals. My kidney stone and pain are now guests at the dinner table. So here I am, doubled over, and I hear my 17 years old teen quietly whisper, “Hey Mom, I’m so sorry you have a kidney stone again, but do you happen to know where the ketchup is?” I was the only person who could solve the mystery of the missing ketchup. You have got to be kidding me!
In the 80’s, women were told “You can have it all!” I went into the work force, a Gen- Xer armed with big shoulder pads and flip phone ready to save the world as a social worker. Many women I know juggle working inside and outside of the home. We are expected to be 100% “a team player” and devoted to the job. We need to be loyal employees and show passion for the work. Some of us own our own businesses and we are a BOSS! But we are also in charge of the school stuff, doctors’ appointments, social calendar, food in the house, helping our parents, caring for our friends, keeping track of carpool, signing up for the orange slices at lacrosse, setting up the playdates, ordering the birthday cake – and most importantly, finding everything in the house for everyone!
And we know how important self-care is, but what ball do I have to drop so I can get my hair done? What am I not doing when I go to the gym? We go to work and get the dreaded email from the school about how we still haven’t signed up to bring something to the end of year school party. So, while we look like we are busily typing up a report, we are actually trying to figure out if it’s less work to make brownies or cookies for the party? Do Safeway cookies count as homemade? I mean if I put them on a plate from home maybe they could pass, right? Then, we realize we’ve been locked out of Sign-up Genius because we are not on our home computer, and we tried the wrong password too many times. By the end of the day, we still haven’t signed up to bring the brownies… or was it cookies? Crap!
So, here’s the deal! We can’t do it all, or rather, we can’t do it all very well, anyway. We usually take turns screwing up one thing so we can do the other thing just well enough. So, let’s reframe our lives, mamas. It’s called radical acceptance. We accept that our lives will be perfectly imperfect. Admit your struggles. Stop beating yourself up for dropping a ball. The appearance of perfection is just that, an appearance. Give grace to yourself and others. Model for others that you will catch another mom when she is faltering so she will do the same for you. And for the love of everything sacred, buy the store bought brownies when you need to, no one will care!
By Lisa Peri, MSW, Publisher
