Holding that little person in your arms for the first time, you can’t help but allow your mind to wander in anticipation of the spectacular moments that make parenting worth it. In these dreamy milestones your hair is freshly washed, teeth brushed, and you look like you just walked off of the Lands’ End Catalog cover. I too allowed these glorious moments to wash over me while sitting in the rocker of my meticulously designed nursery awaiting the birth of my first little bundle of love. In our dreams, we also have a child looking at us lovingly and adoringly who thinks we are brilliant and all knowing.
What we don’t plan for, what is conveniently left out of those neat little parenting books and dreams is that these moments exist, but they are clouded in exhaustion, long days, and hectic schedules and often involve wearing clothing with unnoticed stains. Often your dream of how a milestone will occur is not how it plays out. And, at this point in my parenting career there is a grumpy teen who is sure I am an idiot or at least that is what his facial expression and long sigh is giving off.
So, is it still magical if it doesn’t happen how I dreamed it?
No, it isn’t. I’m kidding. It kinda is, if you let it.
This week, two of my children came down with pretty nasty colds. Having spent the week living off of caffeine, three hours of rest a night, and sporting the latest sick kid fashion of greasy hair and three-day old mascara running down my dark undereye bags, I was ready for the week to come to an end! Just one more thing, I forgot this weekend was senior prom!
In my dreams we arrive at a beautiful location to take photos. Energy and excitement fill the air, I have showered recently and my clothes are clean. I feel good because this is my day too, right?
But, in reality we had a particularly rough night. My teenage son refused photos because, “It’s not a big deal” and to top it off, I forgot about the lacrosse game for our middle son. So, I quickly snapped a few photos as he rushed away, waving with tears in my eyes and pride in my heart.
These milestones include a perfect mixture of joy, pride, fear and sadness which is a surprisingly shocking and confusing time. As they are growing they need you differently, which is filled with awe and pride. But, they need you differently which is sad and it takes time to relearn where you fit in.
This is not how I pictured it! It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was perfect for him. And, it also wasn’t my moment. Our moments come when we stand back to admire the work we have done to help raise these people. I have to remind myself that I am part of the supporting cast, not the starring role. Despite the deep desire to hold onto his leg while he attempts to run away, I am now part of the “behind the scenes” crew; if I play my cards right I may get a producer credit.
So, it wasn’t what I dreamed…but it was so much better because I made that kid and he is happy. And, life is kind of dreamy that way.
By Patrice Craig, Contributor
