Reconnecting with Intentional Touch

Touch is part of human existence and plays a significant role in connecting and communicating with the world (and people) around us. 

But do you ever feel like you are just “touched out”? 

As moms, especially moms with young children, it can sometimes feel like we are no longer in control of our bodies. It’s almost as if we have surrendered ownership to the tiny humans we nurture. There are adorable hugs, kisses, cuddles, and holding hands, which, while lovely and appreciated, can sometimes lead to feelings of being overstimulated. Then there’s the pulling on clothes to get our attention, kids wanting to play salon and do our hair and makeup, and the occasional headbutt or fist to the face that can occur with tiny toddler tantrums or lack of spatial awareness.

At the end of the day, when our partner wants to cuddle or get close, there’s a familiar feeling among “touched-out parents” that they just want to be left alone! It is normal to need space and to desire time alone to reconnect with ourselves, catch our breath, and shed the weight of the day. But even when we are “touched out,” it is essential to remember that touch is a fundamental human need. 

From birth until death, the benefits of human touch are substantial. We depend on it for nurturing, love, validation, comfort, and survival. Prolonged time without touch can lead to physical and mental health struggles. 

Benefits of Touch

• Connection and bonding
• A sense of belonging
• Provides comfort
• Reduces stress
• Physical and mental health benefits

So what can we do when we are feeling touched out? 

We reconnect with what touch is genuinely intended for; I call this intentional touch! This looks different for everyone, but the basic premise is that deliberate touch is purposeful and is engaged to facilitate a desired effect. Intentional touch is consensual, enjoyable, and pleasurable. It can involve oneself or other parties. 

Examples of ways to include intentional touch in our daily lives can include the following:

• Tapping exercises. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or “tapping,” can be done independently to manage emotions and decrease stress. Tapping can be done in areas such as the temples, collarbone, top of the head, and the side of the hands. 
• Ask for a hug from a partner. A long, warm embrace can release “feel good” hormones, calm the nervous system, and release stress. 
• Get a massage, facial, manicure, or pedicure. Moms are often caretakers. Every once in a while, it feels good to be the one who is taken care of. Stress is usually stored in our bodies; a gentle healing touch can help move that stress along. 
• Weighted blankets. While this does not involve being touched by yourself or others, it can offer the same soothing sensation and stress-relieving benefits. This can be a great option, especially if “being touched” is the last thing you can handle. 
• Assisted stretching. With gentle guided touch, assisted stretching exercises or therapeutic sessions can increase mobility and flexibility. This can relieve pain and stress as well. 
• Partner massage. Engaging in intimate touch without the expectation of sex can strengthen the bond (physical and emotional) between partners, reduce stress, increase trust, encourage relaxation, and increase self-esteem. 

It is more than ok to need time and space away. It is also incredibly common to be touched out. Finding ways to incorporate intentional touch can help regain a sense of control and increase overall health and wellness.