Finding Humor and Friendship while having a Brother with Special Needs

Maya and erin — Maia and her friend Taryn

When growing up with a brother who has special needs, I’ve accepted I lived a different type of life than most of my friends. My earliest memories involve the numerous weekly therapy appointments my brother went to. I’ve had to accept that hosting parties and get-togethers at my house will never happen (although it doesn’t bother me). I’m used to the weird stares while in public. I know we’ll never really do things like go to theme parks, or camp, or whatever as a family. And while I’ll probably never be famous, I know I’ll always be recognized by my local pharmacists.

I’m very fortunate, however, to be friends with someone who understands all this, since they too live with a special needs sibling. Taryn and I met about two years ago, in our sophomore year of high school. We both did track and ended up becoming acquaintances. Little did we know, we were basically the same person. For starters, we both had siblings with special needs, who had complex medical and behavioral issues. We both enjoyed running, both had curly hair, and had dads who were retired engineers in the Navy. Naturally, we have become great friends. It’s great having someone else understand what it’s like living with a special needs individual. We never have to explain how things work in our world, or how difficult the system can be. We are comfortable talking openly about otherwise difficult and complex issues in our lives. Sometimes, however, we can be a bit too comfortable with each other.

Recently, at the beginning of the school year, Taryn and I ran into each other during tech crew. Taryn’s sibling is currently dealing with issues when it comes to accessing proper medical care, so we were talking about some serious topics. Someone overheard our conversation and wanted to know what we were talking about. Innocently, they asked if we were talking about our dogs. To their credit, we were talking about how “places” were refusing to accept Taryn’s sister in completely casual tones, so I can see how their first thought was a dog. Taryn and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, then looked directly into their eyes and stated plainly “No, we’re talking about our siblings.” At that moment, I realized how normal it felt when ranting to Taryn about my issues. I didn’t have to skirt around certain parts of the rant or over-explain my life story. I could just talk.

I think my point in all of this is that even though I love my brother to death, and this type of life has made me into a wonderful, patient, understanding, and empathetic individual, it can also be difficult. But, because I’ve been able to find humor and friendship despite these difficult circumstances, I’m able to accept my situation and live the best way I can.

Maia Finlayson is a highschooler in Annapolis, MD. She’s an aspiring writer and filmmaker who loves to cook, watch movies, run, and pole vault. She’s a part of the Apex Arts Magnet Program and currently studies Film and New Media.