Back-to-school time means a return to routines, structures, and academic pursuits. And, for many families, this time of year also means a ramp-up in extracurriculars, now often referred to as “co-curriculars” in many school settings. Why “co” instead of “extra”? Schools realize that these activities play a vital role in shaping your teens’ growth, helping them socialize, discover talents, try new interests, and, in today’s achievement-oriented culture, provide a much-needed balance to the rigors of academics.
The key word in that last sentence is balance. Achievement culture can also bleed into other aspects of kids’ lives beyond the classroom. It’s important to guide your kids toward meaningful co-curricular involvement while still leaving room for the other critical components of teen health, including self-care, proper sleep, and downtime.
The upsides of extracurriculars
Whether it’s joining the math club, participating on the swim team, or auditioning for a play, extracurriculars contribute significantly to kids’ social and emotional development. They provide a laboratory to experiment with good risk-taking during adolescence. Kids can pursue new interests, uncover hidden talents, make friends, and try out leadership roles through sports, clubs, fine and performing arts, and volunteerism. In doing so, teens can find a sense of purpose, achievement, and personal fulfillment that might not be as readily attainable within the confines of the classroom; this is especially true for kids who dislike or struggle in school.
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In addition, extracurriculars help kids feel connected to their schools, peers, and communities, which research shows can be a protective factor as teens age. Kids who feel connected to something bigger than themselves are less likely to engage in substance use and are more likely to have better mental health outcomes.
Further, as your teens embark on the path to higher education, it’s worth noting that selective colleges and universities value more than just academic excellence. Kim Coughlin, Director of College Counseling at Severn School, reminds her students that colleges “look to other factors, including extracurricular involvement. Admissions officers want to admit students who will be active campus community members. They want to admit students who will seek leadership positions and be changemakers. Suppose a student has been highly involved in extracurricular activities and leadership in high school—in that case, they are likely to continue or expand upon that involvement at the college level.”
The slippery slope of over-involvement
Given the reality that extracurricular involvement can sway college admissions in kids’ favor, it’s easy for teens—and parents—to get swept up in the notion of participation for resume-building purposes. When extracurriculars stop feeling fun and start feeling like a job, families may need to step back and reprioritize.
Similarly, if activities start taking precedence over academics, school attendance (hello, multi-day, out-of-state athletic tournaments and showcases), sleep, and socializing, something may need to give.
And it’s not just kids at risk for over-involvement in outside activities. Sometimes parents can become so wrapped up in their kids’ pursuits that they act as surrogate coaches, over-invested cheerleaders, and—worst of all—drill sergeants, keeping their kids’ eyes on a long-term goal (usually college). Each of these approaches can tear at the fabric of the parent-child relationship.
So how do you support your teen’s extracurricular pursuits?
1. Encourage participation. While some teens may eagerly embrace extracurricular activities, others might not feel compelled to engage. It’s okay for families to set an expectation in this department. “We’d like you to participate in at least one activity outside of your classes every season.”
2. Facilitate participation (if your teen needs this support). Parents can research extracurricular options and logistics and help teens plan to get involved. “Looks like play tryouts start next Monday afternoon,” or “Which day next week would be good for me to drive you to pick up some job applications?” If need be, enlist the help of a trusted adult at school to nudge your child toward an activity that might be a good match.
3. Keep it about the kids. Do not let parental hopes and aspirations about your kids’ potential on Broadway, the Olympics, the NFL, or Harvard steal the moment. Not only are such aspirations often way out of whack, but they also rob kids of being able to simply enjoy their moments.
4. Focus on depth rather than breadth. Especially from the college perspective, demonstrating a deep commitment and leadership within a specific activity can be more impactful than a laundry list of superficial involvements. That said, sometimes it takes some trial and error for kids to find their thing, and that’s okay!
Samantha Straub is the owner of Teen Savvy Coaching, where she offers parent coaching for those raising teens and tweens. She is also a licensed therapist, long-time school counselor, and mom to two busy teens. You can find her online at www.teensavvycoaching.com, Facebook and Instagram.
Source:
Bond, L., Butler, H., Thomas, L., Carlin, J., Glover, S., Bowes, G., & Patton, G. (2007). Social and school connectedness in early secondary school as predictors of late teenage substance use, mental health, and academic outcomes. Journal of Adolescent Health, 40(4). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2006.10.013
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