Question
I really don’t know what to do anymore. My 12 year old is so upset because she is overweight and feels she can’t wear the types of clothes her friends wear. She eats a lot of sugar and carbs and I try to encourage her to eat healthier but she won’t. She says she doesn’t like fruits and veggies. I feel like I made this happen by not making her eat healthier when she was younger. All she ever wanted was mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. Is it too late to help her change her eating habits?
Answer
Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for your question – you are not alone with these feelings and hopefully this answer helps you find some clarity as well as others in the same situation.
First of all, sending hugs. As moms we tend to think we should have done something differently to prevent a particular situation or we blame ourselves. I want you to know that this is 100% not anything you did and there are 100% things you can do now to help your daughter become a competent eater as well as develop body confidence. This is the kind of work I regularly do with parents and children in my nutrition counseling practice. It typically takes a lot of sessions to work through the steps but I am going to share some things that may be helpful for you right now.
1) Help your daughter learn that all bodies are good bodies. This can take some soul searching on your part to learn more about how you feel about body size. It is helpful for your daughter to feel that you accept her body at any size and that all bodies can wear clothes that make them feel good. If your daughter doesn’t feel comfortable in the clothes her friends wear, the answer isn’t for her to work on eating healthier to potentially change her body size, the answer is finding clothes that work for her in her current body.
2) I believe our job as parents is to help our children become competent eaters. Do not worry so much that she doesn’t like fruits and vegetables now, but know that you can set up meal and snack structure and other parameters around eating so that she can start developing habits now that involve trying new foods, eating a variety of foods and maybe even enjoying fruits and vegetables at some point. Some children are highly selective eaters and this can take a more nuanced approach.
3) Keep in mind that bodies are always changing. It is our job as parents to help children by cultivating an environment where they can be intuitive eaters and develop body confidence.
There is a lot more to talk about on this topic, but I hope this helps initially.
💗
Jacquelyn
About the Author
Jacquelyn Stern is a non-diet/intuitive eating dietitian who believes it is important to focus on health behaviors vs weight and body size. She has 30 years of experience as a registered dietitian nutritionist and sees people virtually for nutrition counseling.
@annapolisnutrition on Instagram and Facebook
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No Chicken Dinners, Ever!