One of the biggest problems facing parents is that any social media app can be used negatively. The same apps that adults use for finding recipes and connecting with distant family members can be used to bully kids, solicit child pornography, and traffic innocents. While there is no “right” way to use social media, caregivers need to establish and communicate what appropriate behavior looks like. But with the fast-changing world of online communities, this is much easier said than done. Here are a few things to remember:
Friendships
“Social media brings people together,” says Public Information Officer Shepard Bennett of the Annapolis Police Department (APD), “For better or worse.” Deciding whom your child can speak with online sets up clear boundaries for healthy communication. Do you know this person in real life? How old is this person? Do you want to allow your child the ability to DM or snap with their teacher, coach, or adult neighbor?
Bennett notes that the APD team does monitor social media accounts of specific people, but they need to be kept aware of any accounts that seem concerning. If you suspect your child is communicating with someone inappropriate online, reaching out to the APD or your local police for support allows you access to a much greater network. But don’t wait. The earlier you act, the more help they’ll be able to provide.
Ownership
The Child Mind Institute has found that taking away a phone entirely as punishment can have its own harmful effects. If a child is afraid a parent will take away their phone for misbehavior, they may be less likely to talk about online problems, and may even hide information. So what’s a parent to do?
It can be helpful to explain to your child that they are your responsibility until they are 18 years old, and this goes for their phones, too. Or you may want to establish times to review your child’s phone together. You may also want to do this randomly, so that your child does not have the opportunity to delete information. Or you may consider installing an app (such as Family Link or Bark) to review and approve content from your own device.
Draw the Line Somewhere
One of the biggest takeaways PIO Bennett has for parents is that it’s important to understand that social media is often used in ways you would not expect. He references a recent homicide that occurred in Anne Arundel County that was tied to gang violence. Before any crime was committed, a woman recorded a song and uploaded it to YouTube with threats of violence against her intended victim. After the murder was committed, a second song celebrating the death was uploaded.
“That’s something that unfortunately happens pretty frequently,” Bennett says about the songs and their prevalence within gang culture. And while your child may not be involved in gang violence, kids still get in plenty of trouble. “Kids will put up an Instagram post bragging about something they did, or they intend to do. We look for things like that – those who are airing their dirty laundry.”
Boundary setting often means having hard conversations. But identifying potential problems before they’ve occurred creates a policy of risk management that will help you and your child feel safe. Have a clear conversation with your child about what belongs online and what does not. And help them treasure (and protect) your life offline.
For more tips on keeping kids safe online, check out Common Sense, a non-profit helping to educate kids about media and technology.
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