It’s Not Self-Care, It’s Self-Preservation

I don’t like self-care. To be clear, it’s not that I don’t value the tasks that make up self-care; I just really can’t stand the phrase itself or what the term has evolved into.  

Women are told to “make time for self-care.”  Take time for yourself. Take a warm bath. Do some yoga. Get your hair done. Go out with your girlfriends. Go to a favorite restaurant. 

Does someone think we don’t all want to do ALL of those things all of the time!? 

The thing is, simply saying “make time for self-care” is just so flippant and basic. It sounds as though “self-care” is something we simply forgot to do… like changing out the laundry or taking out the trash. 

“Hey, Husband, I’m just gonna leave while you finish up the newsletter, wash up the dishes, give the kids a bath, and put them to bed because I just remembered I need to do some ‘self-care’!” 

It needs a better name. How about we call it something else like… Saturday Self-Crisis Intervention or Time-out Tuesday or Resuscitation Hour? I feel like those are better descriptions of what we actually need. Truly, I’ve landed on Self-Preservation. That is my new term. I am preserving my health and sanity, and I’m not “taking time” for myself—it’s much more forceful than that. I’m demanding and requiring time for self-preservation.

There are a few issues at play here that highlight the crisis women are in right now, and I believe that by acknowledging and naming the problems and solutions, we can just possibly save ourselves from total meltdown.

1. Prioritize what is urgent. I just told a friend/client a minute ago that she did not need to respond to my texts right away. She said, “But it seemed really important!” The truth is EVERYTHING is super important these days. We’re all drinking from a firehose from the time we get up to the time we close our eyes—if you are one of the lucky few who don’t have insomnia these days. We must give ourselves permission to not respond to everything immediately.
2. Just say no! I am cutting back on clients, social outings, and favors for people. I’ve stopped spreading myself thin by only volunteering at one place. You would not believe how much calmer your life is when you are not working on three different host committees. I’m not suggesting not to volunteer, but it’s more impactful and less stressful when you narrow your focus.
3. Bite the bullet and force your way through a dozen doctor appointments to take care of your health. It’s not that we don’t know this already BUT, high blood pressure, out-of-control blood sugar, hormone imbalance, etc., can (and will) impact your mental health all day long. So, while these appointments are expensive and time-consuming, once you get on top of your health, you may find that you don’t feel like a lit firecracker quite as much.
4. Take a good look in the mirror. Do you know this person anymore? It may seem superficial to get your hair colored, lashes done, or nails painted, but let me tell you… even the smallest change can make you feel human again. One thing I’ve started doing is showering before anyone wakes up. A clean body and brushed teeth mean that I have started my day with ME FIRST! I am taking time to preserve myself.

So, whether you call it self-care or time-out Tuesday, let’s all help each other slow down this intense and unsustainable pace of our lives and find our way to self-preservation.