Motherhood is a role that requires devotion, sacrifice, flexibility, and endless transformation. It is a job that is both highly demanding, and incredibly rewarding – sometimes equally so. But honestly, the scales are more often tipped toward either end of the spectrum on any given day.
Despite devotion, sacrifice, and endless responsibilities, one thing motherhood does not demand is for us to lose sight of who we are. It may not be a requirement, but it is often a side effect, so to speak.
When a child is born, they are not the only new life that is breathed into existence. The life of the mother is born anew as well. This is true of the first baby, as well as those who come after. With each and every child, the mother herself is reborn.
As mothers, we are so intimately connected to our children that sometimes, we start to lose sight of the woman we once were. Science has proven that the cells of our children remain embedded in our bodies*. It’s no surprise that we feel a constant pull, a continuous connection, and a persistent need to provide care and nurturing. While this draw and connection is important for the attachment and bond between mother and child, we must never forget to nurture the attachment and bond we have with our innermost spirit as well.
Take a moment, close your eyes, and breathe deeply for a few breath cycles. Call to mind the image of who you were at various stages of your life: as a child, an adolescent, a teenager, a twenty-something, a thirty-something, and so on. What milestones come to the surface? What memories are you delighted with that return to your consciousness? What passions did you enjoy? What hopes, goals, and dreams did you hold within your heart?
In doing this, ask yourself what versions of yourself speak to who you are and who you aspire to be at your core? As a mother, it can be easy to put our wants, needs, and aspirations to the wayside in favor of tending to those in our care. But I encourage each of us to remember the versions of ourselves that existed before motherhood, and to see if any aspects of those versions of ourselves are worth inviting back into our life.
When was the last time you did something truly for yourself? How did it feel? When was the last time you tried something new? What was it? When was the last time you were able to define who you are without wrapping the definition around the spindle of motherhood? Who are you beyond your roles to others?
I encourage each of us to continue the endless journey of self-discovery, and to never forget that our existence beyond motherhood is also worthy of devotion.
Simple ways to engage in self-discovery practices include:
• Try a new hobby
• Write or journal
• Find ways to create for the sake of the process, not the product
• Get outside in nature
• Go to therapy
• Build in time for self-care
• Acknowledge and honor your limits
• Engage in positive self-talk
• Read something that speaks to you
• Join a social group
• Volunteer
The journey itself can be a positive force in helping you in your own self-discovery and finding things that bring you joy and fulfillment.
by Jillian Amodio, MSW, Contributor, Mental Health
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